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(changing the subject)
I have a different perspective on the selling thing. I don't like to be clerked. I want someone to tell me why I would need one thing and not the other. When I am struggling over whether to pry my wallet open, I want someone to make me feel good about what I am doing, like the purchase is the most wise and noble thing I did all day.
Likewise, in an interview, I am not there to simply relate historical facts like Mr. Spock. I want the interviewer to be wowed, to remember me, to feel like they are going to do whatever it takes to add me to their list of employees or whatever I'm interviewing for.
In other words... I like SELLING. And it's good. Selling is bad or cheap if someone is dishonest or does a lousy job at it.
Until one learns how to do the Jedi mind trick, selling is the best tool to convince people of all kinds of things, including publishing your book... even if they don't like to refer to it as "selling."
Oh, welcome back Mark!
Okay, I'll stop now.
But like I said. I have a lot of hangups about money.
It's good to be back, by the way!
I liken the whole failure issue to Peter walking on the water. Many say he failed when he looked at the stormy waves around him. But he was the only one brave enough to get out of the boat.
We sell more often than we think - whenever we promote an idea, enlist help from others or when we're passionate about a cause we want others to support. But I think there's a right way to think about it. I agree about your advice to not frame it as "selling ourselves". It's not helpful.
I love your advice to your friend about not labeling himself as a failure.
Eve, I like your comment about Peter.
It also made me consider why we so often begin to consider ourselves as failures? It's like we wrap our identity up so tightly in what we do, that when it doesn't work out we take it so personally...taking on the failed attempt as a personal attribute.
And re: the selling thoughts. For me, it has something to do with perceived motive. As you mention Mark, if someone is trying to convince me to buy a product because he or she is passionate about the product, I don't mind it so much (as long as it doesn't turn pushy). But if I sense that someone doesn't care about my welfare (to put it broadly) and is just trying to make a buck, it becomes more annoying.